


caretaker

by bevcrushers (dothraloki)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: (at this moment), Canon Scene, Character Study, Episode: s01e01 Caretaker, Friendship, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Season/Series 01, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:36:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21732508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dothraloki/pseuds/bevcrushers
Summary: an interpretation of tom's feelings in the first part of caretaker.
Relationships: Harry Kim/Tom Paris
Comments: 12
Kudos: 36
Collections: 25 Days of Voyager (2019)





	caretaker

He knows from the second he meets Brannen, the CMO - from the way his dark eyes flit between him and Harry, the way his jaw sets as he assesses Tom from the tip of his Starfleet issue boots to his carefully coifed hair – there’s simply no way he’s going to allow this to continue.

‘I was a surgeon at the hospital on Caldik Prime the same time you were stationed there,” he says, ice cold and sharp tongued. Lets the challenge dangle between them. It’s not just about making Tom aware of the thaw between them. It’s a tasty, half-hidden morsel, a thread for Harry to pull on.** “**_He doesn’t know what you’ve done, who you are, does he?” _he’s saying. “_Well he will.” _As if Tom’s stupid enough to think that Harry _could _remain ignorant. As if damn near everyone hadn’t treated him to the same flat voice, that same barely hidden disbelief at the nerve of_ Paris, that_ Tom Paris, yes, the Admiral’s son, daring to show his face around here. As if Harry wouldn’t have noticed, wouldn’t have asked.

Tom knew. Of course, he knew. He just never knew expected it to happen so quickly - had hoped he could savour their burgeoning friendship for more than a couple of hours. But Cavit and Brannen swoop down on Harry like a pair of vultures smelling new blood. They sandwich him in with nowhere to turn, leaning in close, an arm extended across the back of his chair. Educating him. Shielding him. Saving him from the bad influence of that wily, manipulative, rotten ex-con.

Tom feels stiff as he makes his way to the table, grip locked tight on his tray. The smell of his tomato soup is bitter and _wrong_. Brannen and Cavit file past him with uncontained contempt, and Tom glances down with a smirk as he slides into the seat opposite. Steels himself. Waiting.

“There, you see,” he says. Let’s his mouth tug into that sardonic smile. “I told you it wouldn’t take long.”

Harry looks at him. “Is it true?”

It is. How could it not be? How come Harry can’t smell the guilt on him? How come he can’t see the tension in his shoulders, can’t tell from the look in his eye? Of course, it’s true. Tom’s never seen a man more guilty.

He tells him anyway. Tells him everything. All of it. It’s a tale he’s told more times that he can count, and he sets it down in the space between them and lets Harry take a good, long, hard look at it. All the while Harry surveys him with a distant neutrality that’s careful, considered. He tries to hide it, but Tom still sees that hint of suspicion edging through. He’s been around this block enough times to know what it means.

‘Look,” he stands to his feet, lets his gaze sweep over him. Harry’s handsome. He’d noticed it before – hell, noticed it the first time he clapped eyes on him back at Deep Space Nine. But now he notes it with a touch of melancholy. Of reluctance. “I know those guys told you to stay away from me, and you know what? You ought to listen to them. I’m not exactly a good luck charm.”

With that, he steps back - ready to close himself off, ready to make himself light again, never serious, never earnest – but Harry’s voice drags him back after a beat that feels like an hour -

“I don’t need anyone to choose my friends for me.”

Years from now, he’ll look back on this and marvel at how much sincerity Harry pours into one sentence, one _look. _Kindness. _Kindness. _Tom almost doesn’t know what to do with it, except be so utterly, completely, embarrassingly grateful. A friend. His mind struggles to accept the shape of the word – denied, for so long and so many times over. And yet – as he lays in bed in his assigned quarters, more luxurious than certainly he was used to, thinking of Ensign Harry Kim and his quick wit, and his kind eyes, and his floppy dark hair – he feels it might be something more.

And with that he feels that sheet of ice – the ice that has always accompanied him, lying thin and sharp in the pit of his stomach - begin to crack into shards and melt away.

-

**Author's Note:**

> so i don't think brannen (the cmo) has a name - at least nothing that i could find through memory alpha. i've named him brannen after brannon braga.
> 
> i've always been fascinated by tom and by the way that he sees harry, particularly during this time. i wanted to write about what i thought his inner thoughts might be based entirely on the dialogue that we see in the episode.


End file.
